My Friend Jane Is Retiring (Jane, Part 2)


Read my first article about Jane. See part 1.   Jane is a classy 61-year-old call girl, who has had enough. The business is getting tougher and more dangerous. And she is totally sick of men.

I visited Jane in her gorgeous most recent apartment in Chilliwack, BC, a logging town about 40 miles east of Vancouver.

Jane says the call girl business is terrible. “There are  more girls than johns,” she says, “because there are so few jobs. And the johns have less money to spend.” Jane has decided it’s time to retire, move back to the USA and start her auto parts business. She’s 61, it’s time.

She started as a dancer in Las Vegas back in the days of fabulous costumes and feathers and soon began accepting gifts from gentleman callers. Things just went on from there. She has a lot of stories to tell. She owns homes, drives a customized Chrysler, always has stunning apartments and furnishings, and a true flair for decor. She’s never had a pimp or anything like one. “What’s the point?” she asks. Sometimes, when she used to go on “outcalls,” she would hire a driver/bodyguard to take her there and make sure she was safe, but she paid a flat fee.

Jane says that over the years, 40% of her business has come through agencies, some through word of mouth, and the rest through advertising on the web and in certain newspapers.

But what used to be easy money has changed. There are a lot more crazy men out there, and women too. “Even customers are more cautious,” she says. “They’re afraid of being taped.” And streetwalkers, she says, are out of their minds. “It’s dangerous. The girls found at the pig farm were all streetwalkers, poor things. (The pig farm, as its known, was a case in BC where two brothers who owned a pig farm brought hookers in, and had snuff parties for a fee. They fed the bodies of the girls to their pigs. Robert Pickton was convicted to life without parole in 2007.)

People would be better off, Jane says, if men and women could get what they need out of private relationships. And what do they need?

Her most common complaint from her clients, Jane says, is that their wives “won’t give it up any more.” Jane advises them that their wives are angry at them for taking them for granted. She asks the same questions Dr. Phil does. When was the last time you bought her flowers? When have you been interested in what she has to say? “Tell her you were thinking about her all day,” she advises. “Buy her a vibrator and have fun together. Talk. Listen. Give her a back-rub. Make sure you’re totally clean. Take a bath.” Often when Jane gives this advice, she loses clients. They call her later and say, “Thanks for your suggestions.I haven’t been over there lately, have I?” Jane says other girls tell her she’s the worst hooker ever.

When women ask Jane why their husbands might want to be with someone else, she says, “That’s the way men are. I doubt you’ll ever meet a man who won’t sleep with anyone else after he’s married. But having him go to a call girl is better than having an affair,” she says. “Call girls won’t ruin your marriage. They don’t want him, just his money. And they are less likely to have STDs or to get pregnant.”

So what’s a girl to do if she wants to keep her man? “Keep them interested,” advises Jane. “Men are hunters. Make them hunt you. This may be a challenge,” she admits. “You have to do what we do,” she says. “Get the lingerie out. Take a scented bath. Light candles. Act like a slut. Straddle him. Say nothing. Pull off his tie and push him back on the bed. Freak him out. That’s what it takes.”

To me, this didn’t sound like making him hunt, quite the contrary, but maybe both things are true. It’s a puzzlement.

“Get a make-over,” Jane advises all the wives and girlfriends out there. “It doesn’t have to be expensive, but hire a professional, not just one of the counter girls in the department store. Get some new clothes. Be very clean. Wear something sexy. Maybe one of his shirts and nothing else.”

“Men are delusional,” Jane comments. “They look in the mirror and say, Oh Wow, I’m It. When we look in the mirror, it’s more like, Oh God, I’m So Ugly.” Men don’t criticize each other either, she notes. Women do. “Gained a little weight, have you?”

A few special words to men, as Jane retires from the business: “Strippers, dancers and hookers can’t stand you. You are a john, plain and simple. All we are interested in is your money. No exceptions. Yes, we know how to joke around, make eye contact, make you feel important and attractive, but we are acting. That’s what we get paid for. We don’t think you are smart or clever or interesting. We ask questions about you because you blab on forever and we don’t have to work as hard. It makes the time pass. When your hour is up, you’re out of there. We just want your money.”

Jane is posting a web site soon, where she will answer specific questions about sex and the truth, as she sees it, about male-female relationships. She will answer email privately. Her site will have instructions for you on how to get email that is impossible to trace back to you.

We’ll let you know when she’s up and running.

About BG

Beryl Gorbman is a writer and private investigator who divides her time between Seattle WA and Merida Yucatan Mexico. She has published two works of fiction, 2012: Deadly Awakening, and Madrugada. They are both available on Amazon and other outlets. Also at Amate Books, and Casa Catherwood in Merida. You can read about them in various articles on this site.
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3 Responses to My Friend Jane Is Retiring (Jane, Part 2)

  1. esther says:

    very interesting indeed!!

  2. Christofer says:

    Wow, Beryl, have you got some interesting tales to tell. Everyone should have some colorful friends. Jane sounds like a fascinating person.

  3. john s says:

    |Love the picture. I blew it up and printed, but ran out of colored ink. Anyway I am going to do a portrait in oil. John

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